Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
