I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
