I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
