i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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