Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
