Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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