he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
