My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
