The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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