someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
