I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She is in my trunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
