Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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