you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
