It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
