May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
