You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
