is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
