I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
