I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
