Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
