I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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