you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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