the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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