you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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