Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
