I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
