u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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