I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
where are my eyebrows?
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