She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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