Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
