so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
