Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
