I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
