Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
