So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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