we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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