I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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