i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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