One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
