lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
