So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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