I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is classic penis vs brain.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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