drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
