alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
