He disabled his match.com account in front of me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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