I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
