it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
