I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
