Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
