i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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